I'm Not the Woman I Used to Be

 Have you ever had a conversation that made you stop and think about just how much God has changed you?

Recently, I spoke with a friend who reflected on behaviors and habits she once engaged in. Hearing her reaction to recognizing those things in herself made me pause. I understood her feelings because I, too, have experienced that moment of looking back and feeling unsettled by things I once did, said, thought, or considered normal.

Maybe someone describes a behavior, attitude, or way of thinking and you suddenly realize it used to be part of you. Perhaps a conversation brings back a memory of how you used to respond, what you tolerated, or what you once justified. Suddenly, you find yourself thinking: Did I really do that? Did I think that way? How did I not see it? How long did I let that stay?

It's an interesting feeling. There can be disbelief, discomfort, and even a sense of disgust. But for me, there is something much deeper beneath that reaction.

Gratitude.

Not shame. Not condemnation. Not denial of who I once was. It's the realization that I am not the woman I used to be.

That realization doesn't only come when someone describes their past. Sometimes it comes when someone describes who I am now.

Another friend once told me, "You are not confrontational."

I smiled and stayed quiet. When I got home, I prayed and thanked God for changing me because I used to be the opposite: confrontational, in-your-face, and unwilling to appear weak.

I thank God for making me meek, not weak. I thank Him for changing my heart, shifting my perspective, and growing my self-awareness so that self-control could take root in me.

Self-control is spiritual power under divine government.

I know how much more it takes to be led by the Spirit than to run on self-effort. Self-effort grips tighter and tries harder. Being Spirit-led means surrendering the very thing I used to hold on to.

Because of that, the way I think, the way I see things, and the way I respond have changed. Things I once overlooked or entertained, I now see very differently. I cannot help but be grateful.

Sometimes we don't fully recognize the depth of God’s work in us until something reminds us of who we used to be.

Sometimes we don't fully recognize the depth of God’s work in us until something reminds us of who we used to be.

We become so accustomed to our everyday lives that we don't always notice the changes happening within us. We move forward, learn, grow, surrender, and allow God to work. Then someone says something, or we encounter a familiar behavior, and suddenly we see it but differently this time. Things that once seemed harmless now stand out. Habits we once excused now make us uncomfortable. Perspectives we once held now feel so far removed from what we understand today.

Paul urged the believers in Rome not to be conformed to this world, but to be "transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2). Transformation isn't simply about changing what we do. It is also about how we think, how we see, how we respond, and what we allow to take root in our hearts. As God renews our minds, our awareness changes. We become more sensitive to attitudes, habits, and behaviors that don't align with the person He is shaping us to become.

And sometimes that awareness catches us by surprise. We look back and wonder how we remained in certain habits for so long, how easily we justified things, how differently we once viewed situations.

But instead of letting that realization turn into condemnation, what if we let it lead to gratitude?

Paul wrote to the church in Corinth, "And such were some of you," and, in the same breath, reminded them that they had been washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God (1 Corinthians 6:11). Those words are a beautiful reminder that our past does not have to define our present.

God doesn't ask us to pretend we never struggled. He doesn't ask us to erase the person we once were. He invites us to recognize what He has done and give Him the glory for it.

We are not the same people we were before God began working in those areas of our lives. We may still have growing to do, lessons to learn, and things to surrender, but that doesn't mean we should overlook the healing that has already taken place.

There is something beautiful about being able to say, I don't want to go back not out of fear of the past, but because we appreciate what God has done in our present. We understand the importance of guarding what He has helped us change and refuse to become comfortable with the very things we once prayed to overcome.

But there is another part of this that I don't want us to miss.

What if God didn't change us only for our own benefit? What if some of the awareness He has given us is also meant to help someone else?

Someone else may still be where you once were, struggling with a habit, mindset, or behavior you once entertained, unable to see what you now see so clearly. Someone may be exactly where I once was: quick to confront, unwilling to back down, and afraid to let anyone see weakness. I know that place, and I know what God can do there. Perhaps God can use your experience to help them not show how far you've come, but to serve as a reminder of how powerfully His grace can transform a life.

There is a difference between looking at someone and thinking, I can't believe I used to be like that, and looking at someone and remembering, I know what it feels like to be there, and I know what God can do.

Our healing should never make us less compassionate.

Our growth should never cause us to forget the patience God extended to us. Our awareness should never be a reason to elevate ourselves above others. Let it make us more grateful, humble, and willing to serve.

Paul wrote that the God of all comfort comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). What He does in our lives can encourage someone else on their journey. Maybe the very thing you once struggled with is something you can now help someone else recognize. Maybe your testimony will remind someone that they are not beyond redemption, that change is possible, and that God is still working.

When I look back, I don't want to see a woman who should have known better. I want to recognize a woman who needed God’s grace, who was still learning, still growing, and still being transformed. And when I look at who I am today, I want to see someone who remains teachable, willing, and available for God to continue working in me.

Because transformation isn't a destination where we finally have everything figured out; it is a continued willingness to surrender, grow, and become more like Christ.

Transformation isn't a destination where we finally have everything figured out; it is a continued willingness to surrender, grow, and become more like Christ.

So the next time something reminds you of who you used to be, thank God for the difference, and ask Him how He might use it to help someone else.

I'm not the woman I used to be. And that is not a reflection of how wonderful I am.

It is a reflection of how wonderful God’s grace has been.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for transforming my life and renewing my heart. When I look back, let gratitude, not shame, fill my thoughts. Thank You for Your patience, for growth, and for never leaving me where I was.

Continue to shape me, keep me humble, and let my life reflect Your grace. Use my story to encourage others and remind me always of Your faithfulness. Thank You for meeting me where I was, for transforming who I am, and for continuing to shape who I am becoming. In Jesus' name, Amen.